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My kids don’t remember living in New York, so I retraced their earliest days with them

The author and her two children in Times Square.
The author said her kids don’t remember the time they spent in New York, so she took them back 10 years later to better understand their roots.
  • My kids and I moved from New York City to Houston 10 years ago.
  • They don’t remember living in the city, and I wanted to show them where they started their lives.
  • I want them to know that New York is always a part of them, no matter where they are.

My kids were born in New York City, but don’t remember much about living there. Our family moved a decade ago, in the spring of 2016, from Manhattan’s Upper East Side to Houston when my daughter was a toddler and my son was starting pre-K. It feels like forever ago now.

The city held my first memories of motherhood and so much more. My time as a college student, aspiring model and writer, and held my Italian heritage from over 100 years ago. It has been very tough to adjust to being so far away from my roots while raising my kids.

As the 10-year mark approached, I was anxious to return. I had limited funds available for a trip like this, so I called my mom. I talked with her on the phone about this deep longing I carried, and she offered me a gift that would help me to afford the trip. With her generosity, some flight credits, and some savings, I felt grateful I could finally pull this trip off. I was going back home.

The writer's children eating ice cream on the streets of NYC before they moved to TX.
The writer said she reminisced with her children about the last time they had ice cream on the streets of NYC when they were much younger.

New York felt like home

When we stood in the cab line outside of LaGuardia Airport, I immediately felt at peace. I still knew the city streets and subway routes by heart. I told the cab driver the location of our hotel, 23rd between 6th and 7th (avenue), with ease — as a true New Yorker would. My soul felt at home.

After dropping our bags at our hotel, our first stop was Madison Square Park, where I would often stroll with my son when he was a toddler. We would get Shake Shack, eat fries, and lie on a blanket in the grass while I admired the Flatiron building. So, of course, we had to get Shake Shack and stare at the buildings, just like before. Standing there with the Empire State Building in view, too, it felt full circle to be in the place that had always been there in my mind while raising my kids in Texas.

“I want to live here so bad,” my daughter said when we started walking uptown. Me too, I told her, although I knew the cost of living was enormous and unattainable. At least we had the next few days to immerse ourselves in the city I (and now my kids) love so much.

We mixed touristy and sentimental stops

Before the trip, I asked the kids what they wanted to see most. Of course, they both answered Times Square. My son wanted a steak and to visit Louis Vuitton on Fifth Avenue; my daughter wanted to visit a viral bakery and see “Hamilton.” Both of them wanted to shop.

The author's son enjoys a steak dinner in NYC.
The author said her son was looking forward to enjoying a dinner at a nice steakhouse in New York City.

When we made it to Times Square, the lights were less annoying to see than when I was a resident. We did laps and took too many selfies, but it felt different to see this space through my children’s eyes. The blazing lights and crowds suddenly represented opportunity, possibility, and dreams. I wanted my kids to soak it up.

Atop The Summit, an observatory that’s situated 93-stories high, it was incredible to see my kids’ smiling faces against the skyline. I pointed north. We lived over there in the Upper East Side. Your great-grandfather lived there too when he was a kid, I told them. Across the East River is Queens, where your grandma lived, I told them, it’s where your grandparents met and fell in love. A part of your family history is right here, so close, I explained to them.

After that, we had ice cream from a street vendor, just like we had years ago when they tasted their very first ice cream from a Mister Softee truck.

The stories flowed out of me

The next day, we visited the building we lived in before moving to Texas on 1st Avenue between 80th and 81st streets. When we looked up at our previous home from the sidewalk, I ached to be a young city mom again. I wanted to rewind time so that I could be dashing with my kids to parks and museums, popping into cafes, and playspaces.

The author's chilcren look up to the apartment they once lived in.
The author’s children are shown looking up to the apartment they lived in before their family relocated to Texas.

My daughter’s eyes rose as she counted 26 flights up to our previous home. Standing there, I told them stories about their young lives as city kids, buckling them in the stroller and gliding us past Lexington, Park Avenue, and Madison, and on to 5th Avenue and then wheeling into Central Park to lay a blanket and watch them play near our favorite trees, like the park was their own backyard. This neighborhood had given my kids the best start, and I’m grateful for the memories we have of our time there.

As we left the 10 block radius that had held the first years of their lives, I hoped they would remember the view, the sidewalk under their feet, the sound of the construction and cabs, the cafés, brownstones, the trees that lined the streets, and my voice telling them how wonderful it was to be back to the place where they were born.

We’ll remember this trip

During our time in the city, I tried not to think about moving away, and the difficult years we’ve overcome as a family since then. I only focused on the three of us standing together in the city where their lives took root.

We walked miles and miles, and I hoped silently to myself that the sights, sounds, smells, food, architecture, shops, and beauty of the city was leaving a strong impression on my kids.

There’s always a place for you here, I told them when it was time to leave. I wanted them to know the world is big and that Texas isn’t all there is. They were born in a place where anything was possible, although I know it’s up to them to decide how they want to spend their future and create their memories. No matter where they end up, New York will always be a part of them.

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I compared Martha Stewart’s and Ina Garten’s BLT sandwiches, and I preferred the recipe with store-bought mayo

two blt sandwiches side by side on white plates
I tried making Martha Stewart’s and Ina Garten’s signature BLT sandwiches.
  • I tried making Martha Stewart’s and Ina Garten’s signature BLT sandwiches.
  • Martha Stewart’s was more time-consuming since she used homemade mayonnaise.
  • I preferred Ina Garten’s California-inspired sandwich made with avocado and smoked bacon.

When two domestic goddesses engage in a battle of the BLTs, you know it’s going to be anything but your average lunch.

Celebrity chefs Martha Stewart and Ina Garten have each reimagined the humble BLT, turning it from a lunch staple into a next-level meal.

Martha Stewart opts for homemade mayonnaise to make what she calls her “perfect” BLT, while Garten uses avocado in her California-inspired sandwich.

I decided to try both celebrity chefs’ recipes to determine which I preferred.

Unsurprisingly, both recipes called for similar ingredients, but there were a few differences between Garten’s and Stewart’s methods for making a BLT.

Ina Garten’s California BLT calls for smoked bacon, tomato, large lettuce leaves, an avocado, a lemon, white bread, and “good mayonnaise.”
ingredients for ina garten blt

In her recipe, Garten recommends using Hellmann’s, which is the brand I already buy and can be found in practically every grocery store.

I usually fry my bacon, but the recipe said to bake it, and I really liked this method.
trader joes apple smoked bacon on a sheet pan

The recipe calls for enough smoked bacon to make two sandwiches, but I cut the recipe in half to make just enough for myself.

I preheated the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. I placed five strips of bacon on a wire rack on a sheet pan and put the pan in the heated oven. After 20 minutes in the oven, the bacon turned out perfectly crispy.

The strips of bacon were a little on the thin side, but I didn’t mind. Cooking the bacon on the wire rack was easier than frying it, in my opinion. There was no flipping required, and each side turned out perfectly crisp.

I toasted the bread in the preheated oven for about five minutes, flipped them, and toasted them for another minute.
two slices of bread with mayonnaise

I then smeared about a tablespoon of Hellmann’s regular mayonnaise onto each slice.

I then added washed and dried butter lettuce leaves to each side of the sandwich.
lettuce on two slices of bread

I ended up using about five lettuce leaves.

I then peeled and sliced the avocado before adding it to a small bowl.
avocado slices with lemon

I sliced a lemon in half and squeezed the juice on the avocado slices, lightly tossing them. You don’t want to mash or mix the avocado slices too vigorously — just enough to coat them in the lemon juice.

I added the avocado slices and bacon on top of the sandwich. There was a perfect amount of bacon to ensure I would get an even bite.
lettuce avocado and bacon on two slices of bread

Before adding the bacon to the sandwich, I soaked up some of the excess oil with a paper towel.

I then added four slices of tomato and seasoned them liberally with salt and pepper.
lettuce tomato avocado and bacon on two slices of bread

Other than the bacon, the other ingredients took no time at all to prepare.

The sandwich was really easy to make and required minimal effort and cleanup.
finished ina garten blt

It tasted fresh and was perfect for a spring or summer lunch. The avocado added a creamy element to the sandwich, and the seasoned tomato slices complemented the crispy bacon, which had a slightly sweet flavor.

While the simple recipe initially seemed like a no-brainer, the addition of lemon juice took it over the top. I also loved the method of baking the bacon — while it took longer to make, I didn’t have to stand around flipping the bacon to ensure it got crispy on both sides.

I was excited to see how Martha Stewart’s BLT recipe would measure up.

Martha Stewart’s recipe for a “perfect” BLT uses thick-cut bacon, tomato, and lettuce. I opted for romaine, but you can use any kind you prefer.
martha stewart blt

For Martha Stewart’s “perfect BLT” sandwich recipe, you’ll need white sandwich bread, a vine-ripe tomato, two lettuce leaves, a slice of thick-cut bacon, basil, butter, salt, pepper, and homemade mayonnaise.

The first thing I noticed about Stewart’s BLT recipe was that it calls for homemade mayonnaise, which I’ve never made before.
martha stewart blt

For Stewart’s homemade mayo recipe, you’ll need one large egg yolk, one teaspoon of Dijon mustard, one teaspoon of fresh lemon juice, coarse salt, white pepper — I substituted it with black pepper, as that’s what I had — and a cup of lightly flavored oil.

Stewart’s recipe called for grapeseed, sunflower, or safflower oil, but I used vegetable oil — which is also mild in flavor — because I already had it in my kitchen.

The first step in making homemade mayo is mixing the egg yolk, Dijon mustard, salt, pepper, and lemon juice.

My finished mayonnaise didn’t exactly look like the store-bought Hellman’s mayo I usually buy, but at least it was spreadable.
martha stewart blt

The key to making the homemade mayonnaise was slowly adding the oil.

You really need to add the oil drop by drop, or else your mayonnaise won’t thicken. Then, when you’re halfway through your oil, gently pour the rest into your bowl in a slow, steady stream while mixing.

I tried a little on a spoon and found that while it didn’t exactly taste like the mayo I was used to, the lemon juice added a nice citrusy flavor.

I was proud that I was able to make something remotely close to mayonnaise on my own. I also made more than I expected to use in the sandwich.

I fried up some thick-cut maple brown sugar bacon in a pan on the stove.
martha stewart blt

I found that this slightly sweeter cut caramelizes nicely in the pan and adds a delicious element to savory dishes. The recipe only calls for one slice of bacon, compared to Garten’s, which calls for three slices per sandwich. However, you could add more if you want a more filling lunch.

I fried the bacon, which took far less time than baking it. However, I preferred the crispy texture and result I got with Garten’s method.

Martha Stewart’s recipe calls for both butter and homemade mayonnaise.
martha stewart blt

I’ve never added butter to a BLT sandwich before, so I was interested to see how it would taste.

Next, I topped the buttered side of my sandwich with lettuce and tomato.
martha stewart blt

I followed Stewart’s instructions exactly, placing the lettuce down first and then the slices of juicy tomato. Having the lettuce act as a base can prevent your bread from getting soggy from the tomatoes.

Next, I added the basil. I’ve also never heard of basil being used in a BLT.
martha stewart blt

I wondered if this would add an Italian flavor to the BLT (as it turned out, I was spot on). I then sprinkled a pinch of pepper and salt over the top.

Lastly, I added my bacon right on top and closed her up.
martha stewart blt

I already anticipated that the sandwich could have used at least one more slice of bacon in order for the ingredients to be evenly distributed in each bite.

Martha Stewart’s BLT didn’t taste like any other BLT I’ve ever had, largely due to the homemade mayonnaise and basil.
martha stewart blt

The ingredients tasted really fresh and light despite being a bacon-based sandwich. The basil cut through the savory flavors perfectly, while the mayonnaise added a citrus flavor.

The vine-ripe tomatoes were sweet, juicy, and flavorful. Altogether, the sandwich tasted similar to an Italian Caprese salad, plus bacon.

However, I definitely preferred the butter lettuce I used in Garten’s sandwich over the romaine, and I even preferred the store-bought mayonnaise over my first attempt at a homemade version.

Martha Stewart’s “perfect BLT” took a little extra effort with the homemade mayonnaise, and I’m not sure if it was completely worth it in the end.
martha stewart blt

The cooking and preparing process was a little longer than I would usually go for. After all, I wanted to get it exactly right. If I hadn’t also tried Ina Garten’s sandwich, I might have agreed that this sandwich really was “perfect.”

However, between the extra dishes, energy, and the small serving of bacon, I didn’t think that I would actually make this sandwich again over Garten’s.

Read the original article on Business Insider

POTS explained: The disorder that forced OpenAI exec Fidji Simo to take medical leave

Fidji Simo
Fidji Simo is taking a temporary medical leave from OpenAI.
  • Fidji Simo, OpenAI’s CEO of Applications, is taking a temporary medical leave.
  • Simo is seeking treatment for postural tachycardia syndrome, or POTS.
  • POTS is a disorder that can cause heart palpitations, lightheadedness, and fainting.

OpenAI executive Fidji Simo is taking a temporary medical leave to treat postural tachycardia syndrome, or POTS.

The company said in an internal memo to OpenAI staffers on Friday that Simo would leave to pursue treatment and would return in several weeks.

Simo, who cofounded the Complex Disorders Alliance and the Metrodara Foundation, was diagnosed with POTS in 2019. She was initially misdiagnosed by doctors, including one who credited her health issues to being a “tired mom.”

“I was fainting constantly, I was feeling weak,” Simo told Fortune in 2021.

POTS affects the autonomic nervous system, which regulates involuntary functions such as blood pressure, heart rate, and respiration. The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke said people with POTS often have orthostatic intolerance, which is a set of symptoms that occur when a person stands up and are relieved by lying down.

“Symptoms of orthostatic intolerance, which often include dizziness or fainting, happen because not enough blood flows back to the heart when the person moves from a lying down or seated position to standing up,” the agency said.

Through her organizations, scientists are conducting research and trying to find cures for disorders like POTS.

Who is most likely to get POTS?

Although anyone can be diagnosed with POTS, the disorder mostly affects people between 15 and 50 years old. POTS is more common in women than in men.

“POTS commonly begins after a pregnancy, major surgery, puberty, trauma, or a viral illness. Some people report an increase in episodes of POTS right before their menstrual periods,” the National Institute of Health said.

People with a family history of POTS are at a “higher risk.”

What are the symptoms of POTS?

A “classic” symptom of POTS is a fast heartbeat, but the disorder can also cause dizziness, lightheadedness, fainting, and heart palpitations that occur when standing up.

“Some people may have blurred vision or tunnel vision, weakness in the legs, chest pain or other pain, fatigue, sleep problems, digestive issues, shortness of breath, and difficulty concentrating,” the agency said.

Over time, POTS symptoms can improve, but some may remain or persist for a long time.

Why is POTS hard to diagnose?

The agency said scientists aren’t sure what exactly causes POTS.

“Doctors typically begin by reviewing a person’s medical history and discussing their symptoms,” the agency says. “They may also measure heart rate and blood pressure and observe how the body responds to changes in position, such as standing up quickly.”

How is POTS treated?

Treatment for POTS is focused on managing issues with blood flow and low blood volume.

Some medications can offer short-term relief, but scientists are still determining their long-term effectiveness. Lifestyle changes can help lessen symptoms, including increasing salt intake and staying hydrated.

How does COVID-19 impact POTS?

Some people with long-term COVID have developed POTS, but scientists are still determining why, according to the agency.

People with POTS symptoms related to COVID-19 can also experience anxiety, depression, cognitive issues, brain fog, and sleep problems.

Read the original article on Business Insider

5 AI-powered consulting startups to watch

Composite headshot of Bianca Anghelina and Tanmai Gopal
Aily Labs CEO Bianca Anghelina and Tanmai Gopal, CEO of PromptQL.
  • AI is transforming the consulting industry with new tech startups in Silicon Valley.
  • These startups aim to help companies manage data and optimize technology using AI.
  • These four companies have collectively raised over $300 million.

AI is upending a business that hasn’t changed in generations.

Over the past year, a new wave of consulting tech startups has emerged in Silicon Valley. These companies are helping clients manage their data, make better decisions, and optimize their technology, all through the use of AI.

While some on the list are not shy about their ambitions to eventually take a slice of business from the Big Four or the MBB, others are looking to complement the established players’ work.

Business Insider asked a handful of investors to identify a few of the most promising startups to watch in this emerging category of consulting tech. Here are five AI-powered consulting startups to watch.

PromptQL
Tanmai Gopal
Tanmai Gopal, CEO of PromptQL.

Total funding: $136 million

What it does: PromptQL is an enterprise platform that aims to automate some of the work of a typical consultant, like surfacing insights and generating reports. It helps clients build custom AI analysts by integrating their internal data with the foundation models they already use.

Once deployed, these AI analysts can perform tasks typically handled by data scientists or engineers — and continuously learn and adapt to their environments over time.

PromptQL also offers access to its team of expert engineers, who help companies operate their AI analysts and shape broader AI transformation strategies — at a rate of $900 an hour.

Tanmai Gopal, PromptQL’s CEO and founder, told Business Insider that the platform’s “killer feature” has been its capacity to provide “AI accuracy at scale without requiring messy data to be prepped or moved elsewhere.”

Why it’s good: “For us, the bet here is simple: there’s an overconfidence crisis in AI,” Gaurav Gupta, partner at Lightspeed Venture Partners, told Business Insider. “We believe 95% of AI companies will fail, and history will show that hallucinations were a major reason why. We think PromptQL is best positioned to solve this for enterprises.”

Aily Labs
Bianca Anghelina
Aily Labs, founder and CEO, Bianca Anghelina.

Total funding: $101 million

What it does: Founded in 2020 by former Novartis executive Bianca Anghelina, Aily Labs builds an AI-powered “decision intelligence” platform designed to help Fortune 500 companies make decisions by consolidating data.

“I experienced firsthand how decisions are slowed down because of siloed data,” Anghelina said. Traditional corporate decision-making is often delayed by “processes that take weeks or months” and “data owned by different functions” without “one source of truth,” she said.

Aily’s “AI brain” aims to tackle these challenges by combining off-the-shelf and proprietary large language models, with data, to surface insights and recommendations “in a matter of minutes rather than weeks,” she said.

Unlike typical consulting firms, Aily isn’t focused on one-off projects, but on embedding “an always-on AI brain” into a company’s operations, she said.

Why it’s good: “Everyone’s capturing information, but the question is: how are we actually using it to drive better decisions and efficiency?” Pegah Ebrahimi, the cofounder and managing partner at FPV Ventures, which led Aily’s latest $80 million funding round, told Business Insider.

Aily is like an “executive partner that surfaces the top insights and risks relevant to your specific role — whether you’re head of supply chain in Brazil or head of sales for North America,” she added.

Profound
Profound Founders
Profound founders James Cadwallader and Dylan Babbs.

Total funding: $58.5 million

What it does:

In the AI era, companies are no longer agonizing about search engine optimization; they’re fretting about how to get mentioned in generative AI chatbots like ChatGPT.

GEO, also known as generative engine optimization, is the process of optimizing content to boost its visibility in AI-driven searches.

Profound helps companies manage their geo strategy, including how they’re mentioned in generative AI chatbots like ChatGPT. They also advise on how agents interface with a company’s website and digital content, and analyze real-time search data to understand how consumers are working with generative AI chatbots.

Why it’s good:

Thomson Nguyen, cofounder and managing partner at Saga Ventures — which invested in Profound’s Series B round — told Business Insider by email that chief marketing officers at companies once hired brand consultants and marketing consultants to run focus groups to research and understand how their brand ranked among competitors.

Now, Profound offers a way to automate that work, Nguyen said.

Max Altman, another cofounder and managing partner at Saga, told Business Insider by email that “Profound is the 800 lb. gorilla in the room, and clear category leader.”

Dialogue
Dialogue AI founders

Total funding: $6 million

What it does: Dialogue AI, an AI-powered market research platform, aims to speed up the way companies conduct research — from designing studies and recruiting participants, to conducting interviews.

The company was founded by Benjamin Lo, Justin Hoang, and Hubert Chen — all of whom overlapped at Nextdoor, a social networking platform for neighborhoods.

The aim is to cut the turnaround time of a typical market research study from weeks to just a day, Lo previously told Business Insider.

“Maybe you’re a designer or an engineer or a consultant, and you can basically conduct research independently with best practices. I think that’s one of our visions — can we almost democratize market research?” Hoang previously told Business Insider.

Why it’s good: “Market research as we know it is ripe for disruption,” Faraz Fatemi, partner at Lightspeed Venture Partners, which lead Dialogue’s seed round, said in a press release announcing its new funding.

“Dialogue understands that teams across an organization, not just researchers, need fast, meaningful insights to do their jobs well. What they’ve built is both technically impressive and deeply thoughtful: a way to talk to customers at scale, without sacrificing depth or quality.”

Larridin
Larridin cofounders
Larridin cofounders (left to right) Jim Larrison, Ameya Kanitkar, and Russell Fradin.

Total Funding: $17 million

What it does: Larridin is a measurement and analytics company focused on how AI is actually used inside organizations.

Its product, Scout, helps companies understand “what’s actually happening in your org with AI.”

Russell Fradin, a cofounder of the company, said its goal is to give companies visibility into the usage and impact of AI.

Scout can be used to answer questions like “what’s actually happening in your org with AI, what’s working, what’s not working, what’s making your employees more productive,” Fradin said.

It can also help answer questions around cost optimization, which typically falls into the realm of consulting firms. “How much more productive is this tool actually making your employees? Should you spend more on it? Should you cancel it? Should you double down?” he said.

Fradin said Larridin isn’t trying to replace consulting firms. Instead, it wants to provide data they can use.

“We’re just trying to build a very large measurement company,” he said.

Why it’s good: “AI is moving faster than any technology revolution in history, and like the internet, it needs independent measurement to prove value,” Alex Rampell, a general partner at Andreessen Horowitz, which led Larridin’s Series A round, told Business Insider. “Larridin identified this gap early and built the right solution, Larridin Scout, at exactly the right time. Every CIO we know is asking how to measure the impact of AI. Now they have an answer.”

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Debris from an intercepted missile struck Oracle’s Dubai office days after Iran threatened US companies in the region

Smoke from a rocket interception is seen in the sky over Dubai during a previous incident
Smoke from a rocket interception is seen in the sky over Dubai during a previous incident
  • Debris from a missile struck Oracle’s offices in Dubai on Saturday, city officials said.
  • The city government called it a “minor incident” that didn’t result in any injuries.
  • Iran earlier threatened to target US companies in the region.

Falling debris from an intercepted missile has damaged the Dubai office of American tech giant Oracle, city officials said on Saturday.

“Authorities confirm that they responded to a minor incident caused by debris from an aerial interception that fell on the facade of the Oracle building in Dubai Internet City. No injuries were reported,” the Dubai Media Office said on X.

Iran has threatened to strike US-owned companies in the Middle East in retaliation for the US-led war that has now dragged on for six weeks. In a statement published on Tuesday, Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps advised US workers to avoid their offices.

In response, Dell told employees not to travel to the Middle East for work until mid-April, and advised staff based in the region to work from home. In an internal note, the company said it was prioritizing team member safety.

Amazon said in March that several of its cloud computing facilities had been struck since the war began.

The US has urged its citizens to reconsider travel to much of the Middle East, including the United Arab Emirates, “due to the threat of armed conflict and terrorism.”

The war, which began after the US and Israel launched strikes on Tehran on February 28, has upended the global economy as fuel prices skyrocket and travel through parts of the Middle East is rerouted.

President Donald Trump has said the war is intended to weaken what he has called the “imminent threat” of Iran’s ballistic missiles, alleged nuclear weapons program, and its proxies in the Middle East.

Trump on Saturday doubled down on his earlier demand that Iran open the Strait of Hormuz, through which a fifth of the world’s oil passes, by April 6 or face consequences. The US, meanwhile, has moved thousands of troops into the region in recent weeks.

Read the original article on Business Insider

I left my career to be a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t expect to lose my identity.

mom holding baby
  • I left my career at 38 to stay home with my child.
  • I struggled with guilt, identity loss, and my changing relationship with money.
  • Over time, I found purpose and connection through shared experiences.

At 38, I faced the toughest decision of my career: whether I wanted to continue working.

I had been working since I was a teenager and had never considered not doing so.

When my husband and I got married, we discussed what our future would look like with children, and I naively thought it would all work out seamlessly. That I would balance my career and motherhood with ease.

Then reality hit.

I decided to stay home

As first-time parents, it was soon evident that the balancing act was an illusion. We decided that I would stay at home with our son during his early years, a decision that left me grappling with a weight I never saw coming.

The sleepless nights and endless diapers, those topics get talked about. What blindsided me were the invisible battles.

Mom holding newborn
The author quit her job at 38 to stay home.

On paper, we could make it on my husband’s income alone, but life isn’t as tidy as a piece of paper. I went in knowing that our lifestyle would change, becoming a one-car family, thrifting more, and eating out less, but what I didn’t anticipate was the way my relationship with money would change.

I felt guilty when I spent money

After two decades of working, I was used to making and spending my own money. I never felt bad about my monthly manicures, grabbing dinner with friends, or buying my husband a birthday gift.

Now, every time I wanted to purchase something a wave of guilt swept over me and I felt as though I was spending someone else’s money.

While my husband constantly assured me that it was our money, memories of my mom and step-dad arguing over who made more and therefore who was more “valuable” haunted me.

Eventually, I found ways to earn a small income outside a traditional 9-to-5, from freelance writing to mystery shopping, until I took on a part-time work-from-home job, which gave me a sense of financial autonomy.

My résumé didn’t matter anymore

Over the course of my career, I had built up an impressive résumé of experience, industry certifications, and specialized knowledge. When I became a stay-at-home mom, none of it mattered.

My days were filled with changing diapers, cleaning up spit-up from the oddest places, and all the other day-to-day responsibilities that come with parenting. I was left wondering if I was wasting everything I had worked so hard for.

What I wish I could have told myself back then was that my time in the professional world, combined with my time as the primary caregiver, would provide me with the insights and opportunities I now have.

But in the moment, I was too far in the trenches and simply felt as though I had let myself down. And the loss I felt went beyond my career. It was about who I was becoming.

My identity shifted

When I became a mom, I knew my identity would shift, but I didn’t fully appreciate how much it would impact me and how others would view me.

No longer was I greeted with, “How are you doing, Laura?” Now it was “How are you doing, mama?”

The identity of being a mom overshadowed all the other components of me.

Who was I now that I didn’t have an official title, now that I wasn’t receiving recognition for my contributions, and now that my biggest accomplishment was reaching the end of the day wearing the same shirt I started with?

I felt untethered. The old me no longer existed, the new me was in survival mode, and the future me was still being formed.

I felt so guilty

During my career break, there was a faithful companion by my side: guilt.

The guilt took many forms, from feeling guilty that I didn’t enjoy every moment to feeling guilty that I wished I worked outside the house.

I grappled with it alone until I found a group of women who understood. Some had taken a career break because they had always wanted to; others because it made financial sense.

When I finally said my feelings out loud, I felt understood, supported, and most importantly, seen. While it didn’t erase the guilt or my struggles, I was reminded I wasn’t alone.

Today, I have the privilege of working with women as they wrestle with these same emotions.

It turns out the journey that once felt like losing myself became the path to finding my purpose.

Read the original article on Business Insider