I had an identity crisis after becoming a mom. Hiring a career coach helped.
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- I struggled with identity and purpose after becoming a mom.
- I hired a career coach to better understand my strengths and interests.
- The process helped me find new career paths and regain confidence.
Over the nine months of pregnancy with my first baby, I mentally prepared myself for those middle-of-the-night feedings (and the resulting exhaustion), the postpartum mood swings, and other inevitable life changes.
One thing I didn’t prepare myself for? The identity crisis set in as soon as I became someone’s mother. In an effort to navigate this crisis, I decided to work with a career coach for the first time.
Time felt more precious than ever to me after bringing my son into the world, and I wanted to make sure I was using it wisely. With so much new meaning in my personal life, I longed to find that meaning in my work.
First, I vetted some coaches to find the right fit
While breastfeeding in the dark one night, I impulsively searched Google and Instagram for career coaches and began emailing a few people. After my first call with Gracie Miller, founder of Live Life Purpose Coaching, I knew I had found my match.
Courtesy of the author
She explained that her program was designed to suss out A) what unique skills and talents make me valuable in the workforce and B) what causes, activities, and subjects light me up inside, so that, ultimately, I can pinpoint new career possibilities that encompass both.
The process helped me home in on my strengths — and build confidence
During our first session, I mentioned that a lack of confidence was one of the things holding me back professionally. Fortunately, our sessions together — and the “homework” sheets she assigned me — helped to address that. By identifying my strengths — for example, by reflecting on what people in my life tend to come to me for help with, or by reminiscing about times when I overcame a challenge — I began to feel an increasingly strong sense of self-worth.
I also discovered interests I never knew I had
One of the exercises she assigned me involved recalling times in my life when I felt at my best. I recounted an experience I had giving a motivational speech to a group of patients in an eating disorder treatment program, and told Miller how rewarding it felt to share my success story with them and inspire some much-needed hope on their recovery journey. That triggered another memory of giving a speech to a group of clinicians at Mass General Hospital. I suddenly realized how much I loved public speaking — something I’d never taken into account in my search for job opportunities, let alone acknowledged at all.
Another worksheet Miller gave me required me to list the things I could talk about forever without ever getting bored. While answering this question, I discovered how excited I get discussing psychology and human behavior — which explains my fascination with true crime.
I was surprised to learn I had changed
While I know some aspects of who I am are unlikely to change — like being emotionally driven and idealistic — I recently began to wonder if motherhood might cause some subtle shifts in my personality.
After a few sessions, Miller had me take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test so I could find out the best jobs for my personality type. I already took this test in college, but I was surprised to find that my personality had shifted since then from the “Campaigner” (ENFP) to the “Advocate” (INFJ). Knowing my new personality type then empowered me to consider new potential careers that better fit my strengths — including intuitive insight, deep empathy, and creativity.
I clarified my priorities
I’ve been a work-from-home freelancer for about seven years now, and while there are definitely a lot of perks to my situation, there are some pitfalls, too.
I hadn’t really considered what my ideal work situation might look like, until Miller assigned me a multiple-choice worksheet that involved clarifying whether I prefer working indoors our outdoors, how much travel I’d like my work to entail, whether I’d rather my work duties to change a lot day to day or stay the same, and what size company and setting I’d like to work in.
For example, I learned that I actually enjoy working alone more than working with a team, and that I work better when there aren’t strict time constraints than under pressure. Keeping all this in mind on my job search will help me to find roles that minimize stress and anxiety.
I learned about jobs I never knew existed
After our first handful of sessions, Miller used all the data she’d gathered on my strengths and passions to compile a list of possible careers where they overlap. Some of the options she came up with were jobs I had never heard of, like narrative coach, director of brand storytelling, and trend researcher.
She tasked me with doing some quick research on what a day in the life looks like for each of these roles, and then jotting down the pros and cons so I could narrow the list down to my favorites. This exercise gave me a concrete list of new jobs I’d never previously considered — jobs I now have alerts set for on LinkedIn and Indeed.
What really matters to me finally became clearer than ever
Miller’s program isn’t designed to help clients figure out what they enjoy; it’s designed to help them determine their reason for getting up in the morning. To that end, she assigned worksheets that asked me about the areas and issues I’d like to make a difference in. By far the most difficult but valuable assignment involved crafting my “mission statement.”
My mission statement is still a work in progress, but I came up with “To uplift and influence others, inspiring a sense of hope and belonging.”
I plan to keep coming back to this mission statement whenever I’m evaluating job opportunities, so I can determine whether they align with my true life purpose.